first of all. i like how im posting EVERY day, because i have no life. no biggie.
once again. im copying a cooler person than me. so try to pretend that im as cool as i think and pretend to be.
PS. i have NEVER seen harry potter. ok. that was a lie. i have seen it. the first and second and third. please invite me over to your house so im not SO deprived.
Secrets.
ps. they are not in order.
1. i can't spell really. and it's obvious.
2. i don't know how to be truly happy at school, and normal. i don't really like to fake smile at teachers and people at school and act like im enjoying school life.
3. im a freak. im weird. im immature. and i can't stop myself sometimes. but the worst part is that im getting VERY tired of hiding it and acting "normal". which actually isn't normal at all. it's grumpy.
4. i cry. i cry a lot. more than i need to. i cry over school and stress. i cry over hurt feelings. {Which get broken and shattered too easily. and most of the time there won't be enough glue or tape to fix them.} i cry when i have nothing better to do. which means i cry every week. and maybe once a day.
5. i am not very self smart. i can't really memorize things that aren't important to me. i am really good at memorizing music and things that matter to me. like April 6, is Christ's birthday, and the day He was risen. And i can remember small details from happy moments for me.
7. i love soft lips. and i lather it on. every day.
8.i crack my neck, and fingers. but i love to pop my toes.
10. i can eat cold cereal every day with NO problem.
11. im a bit socially awkward around boys.
12. i haven't "liked" anyone sense the 6th grade.
13. i think school is a joke.
14. i like the feeling of grinding my teeth. I just like the sound that i hear when i do it. and i don't do it very much because it hurts my jaw.
15. im scared to go back to dance. i danced for almost 2 years. i do ballet. and most of the time i don't like to admit it. i think that ballerinas are dependant little girls. and i want to independent. and i am on pointe. but i have only done it for 2 years. some girls have been doing it their whole lives and aren't on pointe. does this mean im good, or am i a fake?
16. i am obsessed with spending money. i can't control it. if i have money, then i HAVE to buy something. whether i need it or want it or don't even like it. i have to buy it. i have a closets full of clothes. i hate most of them. i will wear them once and realize that i don't even like it.
17.i am bipolar i think. sometimes i will be WAY overly stresses about school or dumb things and others times i will be completely chill about my homework and tests. and one moment i will be in completely misery and the next it has passed over.
18. i like being sassy. it gives me power.
19. i don't like to talk to new people. so i wont. so then i become this social-out-cast, which i am.
20. i lie in seminary.
21. i would like to marry music.
22. i like to tease people. i find this weird joy from teasing my sisters and brothers. it makes me feel better and bigger than they are. once again. i feel like i have power.
23. i like to write. im working on many poems and most of them are really deep and i don't even know where it comes from.
24. i am a nerd. i like to watch documentaries and learn about different things. my dad and i watch the history channel together. and it's one thing i will always treasure.
25. i am obsessed with whistling.
26. i like winter attire very much.
27. i don't really like Christmas. it's a nice season. i like the season and the warm fires and the smell of trees and the feeling you get when it's Christmas. but i don't like the getting presents part. it's so dumb. i get all of this stuff i DO NOT need, and i don't even deserve it. i don't like it.
28. i don't mind being alone. i don't mind working alone, walking alone, or eating alone. as long as i don't tell my self that no one likes me or that im not cool enough for them. i do mind being alone if i start to look inside my soul and realize that im bad.
29. i love the color mustard. but i love the mustard taste the most.
30. i love to draw and paint and color and use chalk.
31. im scared to drive. my dad have asked me if i wanted to back out of the garage or if i wanted to get behind the wheel. i said no. i don't even know which pedal is the gas. im just too scared that i will run someone over or i will crash. i don't really plan on ever getting my licence.
33. i like to think that i will marry a prophet someday, or a general authority. or music :]
34. i think. that my life is not real. i feel like im not really me sometimes, and that i pretend to be someone that im not so people will like me and i will feel excepted.
35. i like to tell my self that i don't care what people think of me. and the more i tell myself that, the more i believe it.
Stay loved.
Sarah Janelle.
