lying there, i felt the sun take control. i became the sun's possession. and while i laid there, the sun burned a whole though me. right were my heart should be, the center of my... .. haze. the sun was looking for an adventure, looking for a new soul. but because of past occurrences, i have no soul. instead the sun found a super massive black hole. and the sun didn't know what to do. how would it be appropriate to react when finding out that a little shallow girl has no soul? "oh, i'm sorry, i didn't realize how terribly heartless you are, and how obdurate you have become. i couldn't really tell by the looks of you. let me just cover that hole i burned into you, um?" i felt embarrassed. and ashamed. i have let the sun burn through me, and the only thing it found was my lungs, shriveled and barely moving. like me. i wanted to take a mirror and burn a hole through the sun. show the sun how it felt to be stripped of identity and left there shivering. i wanted to see the sun's soul. i wanted to see the source of life and i wanted to possess the sun. no. i wanted to possess the sun's heart. possibly, as a gift, the sun could spare me his heart? i need one. or he could give me his soul. i need that too. tree's and cats don't feel it right to give their souls and hearts away. where can i find one? my super massive black hole sometimes swells when i'm with someone that kind of cares about me. when i'm with them, i feel like i have a heart. i can kind of feel it pumping the-never-felt blood into my veins. kind of. i can maybe hear it. kind of. that may just be my super massive black hole at work, taking new victims. but it's a nice thought, the thought of a heart, a fully functional heart. maybe if the sun gave me his heart, i would glow. and people would see who i really am. who i really hate. and maybe that would be good for me, kind of. but, until the sun figures out i am no good, and realizes i am no possession worth holding on to, maybe i could start my life long quest of finding a soul. or heart. or both. it's not so bad belonging to the sun.
i think haze and i will get married. and he could play his violin when i get sad.
sarah janelle.
