You know, it's funny what time can do. What it can do to people and minds; and how I've managed to manipulate and warp time into my hands. Right between each finger; and under my fingernails. Playing wild cards and dealing them out; each drunk and written with conspiracy. I rub out the practicality and sting of it all; cradling the familiar indents impressed into me. Creating painful spaces between you and me; and my fingers and fingernails. Licking my chapped and cracked bones, and lips; bleaching my blonde hair even blonder with the chemicals inhaled and pressed into my roots. Tired secrets and tired scenes; smeared on the outer most extent of my skin; pealing with pride and prudent pleasure. A pleasure so fascinating, I consider it before I consider the thoughts I think and the words I say. The kind of pleasure that promises you interest; the kind that possesses your darkest emotion; wrapping it with string and gold; and before you even realize you're experiencing it, it has vanished; only leaving you with questions and desire for more. Timid and unsure I crawl home with my heavy elbows and knobby knees; into my hardly involved bed. I count back and think; "I've forgot to measure the distance; yet I know how far I've gone, how far we've separated". How much I've changed; how my skin has molded into scales; my arms into unstable bones, gripping for mercy and time. My knuckles and static hair infatuated with the delivery of selection. Collecting my sweat and anxiety; labeling them, organizing them into files, stored away for the winter, only increasing their numbers. The heat and pressure of this all; weighing my shoulders, weighing my eyelids only increases while I continually count faces and tap my knees out of habit and release of cooped up brain chemicals. I'm different and time is unchanging. I'm changing and striping my money; while wishing for Lord knows what. It's funny what I blame on time; and how it's power hungry and I'm power drained. We are a beautiful team. I have a beautiful system.
Darling: teach me to write and I'll give you anything.
-s
