sometimes, i cry long and hard.
about something that shouldn't, but does hurt me.
sometimes, i cry even longer and harder
about something that doestn't ever hurt.
i just sometimes need to cry.
too many times i will fake laugh
about something that's funny to other people.
too many times i will laugh so hard till i cant breath
about something that isn't funny to other people,
but it's funny to me. and im not afraid to laugh,
because if i don'tlaugh,
then i will drown in my tears.
most of the time i will force a smile,
when i really feel like dying.
most of the time, i really do smile,
when im dead.
at times i will lock myself in a room,
to make sure i don't fall apart.
at times i will stay in the middle of the house,
to make sure other people are there to pick up my pieces.
sometimes i walk in the middle of the road,
to live on the edge, to think about what i would do before i died.
other times i walk on the sidewalk,
i walk on the safe side, to make sure i have time to say goodbye.
some days i lose it. and i bang on my piano,
hoping that i will calm down.
i never calm down.
some days, i have it all. and i bang on my piano
hoping that i will release my excitement.
i never release it all.
day by day, i tell myself, im ok. but sometimes... im really not.
week by week, i look it over and forget it.
month by month, i live this way in hopes that one day i will be stable.
year by year i do it again and again. and one day. i will not be able to stop.
and second by second im in training to be better.
minuet by minuet im coasting down the hill of life
hour by hour im climbing the stairs of success.
day by day im finding my inner soul.
The markings of a colorless girl.
Sarah Janelle.
